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The Apple Music Festival is dead, get over it

By | Published on Wednesday 6 September 2017

Apple Music

If you were wondering where the line-up announcement was for this year’s Apple Music Festival, here’s your announcement: Fuck off.

Honestly, you people just expect Apple to host a month long series of free concerts at London’s Roundhouse each and every September? Just because the tech giant has splashed about 0.000000000000000001% of its annual profits on the event every year since 2007, you thought it would be around forever? Well, at least Apple has provided you with a cold, hard lesson about the dangers of taking things for granted, a lesson you clearly needed.

So, yes, everyone’s been chit chatting about the fact that there will be no Apple Music Festival in 2017. Not in London. Not anywhere. And not because they’re changing its name back to the iTunes Festival, like what it was called when you were a child.

We all know you thought it was better when it was called the iTunes Festival, and you were allowed to call a Marathon bar a Marathon bar, and Opal Fruits fucking Opal Fruits. But your sad nostalgic urges don’t mean you’re getting an iTunes Festival any more than you’re getting an Apple Music Festival. What will it take for you to accept this honest truth: there will be no live music-based event hosted by Apple in London this month. Are you getting this through your thick skull? Oh my God, I hate you people sometimes.

I mean, obviously it wasn’t happening. The build up to the Apple Music Festival took ages and there hadn’t been a word about it this year. Not one single word. What made you think the Apple Music Festival was still going to happen? Are you stupid?

Despite all the chattering about the demise of the Apple Music Festival this week, Apple itself hasn’t properly commented on any of this. Because Apple is Apple and it doesn’t need to comment on shit just because you decide to talk about it.

The Roundhouse, on the other hand, is quite happy to get out there and comment according to your pathetic whims. So a spokesperson for the venue¬†told Macworld: “I can confirm that after ten brilliant years of the Apple Music Festival – eight of which were at the Roundhouse – Apple decided that 2016 was the last time they’ll run the festival”.

Of course, none of this means Apple intends to get out of live music events entirely. It’s possible it’s preparing to announce the inaugural Beats One Festival – a big music bash based around the tech giant’s online radio station, meaning it’ll launch with loads of hype and then no one will attend.