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Artist News Awards Labels & Publishers
Taylor Swift confirmed as Global Recording Artist Of 2014
By Chris Cooke | Published on Tuesday 24 February 2015
So, winner of the least surprising award winner award is IFPI Global Recording Artist Of 2014 Taylor Swift, which is, in itself, totally unsurprising news, a fact that will surprise no one, in fact this paragraph could loop for infinity if you’d like. Though I heard last week of a criminally under-reported worldwide pixel shortage that is in danger of blacking out the entire internet, making all talk of infinite Taylor Swift-based news reports highly irresponsible. In deed just talking about such things is somewhat reckless, or it would be if the aforementioned worldwide pixel shortage wasn’t a lie I made up in order to pad out this article a bit.
So yes, the International Federation Of The Phonographic Industry yesterday confirmed that Taylor Swift was the most successful recording artist of 2014 across all known mechanisms of music consumption. Well, across download stores, streaming platforms and physical music sales anyway. Pizza-based music delivery wasn’t counted, but it’s been a good two years since Swifty used food to distribute her content.
She, by the way, pushed Brit-boys One Direction – who grabbed the IFPI prize a year ago – into second place this time round. Them having officially ‘peaked’ last March, of course. Though before you yanks get all cocky, let us note that five of the top ten most successful recording artists of last year hark from Brit-land. And you rely on a dead Michael Jackson to take your top ten tally to four. And before you get all arsey on this point, there are still enough Pink Floyd members alive to make the reunion that will never happen a possibility, except for the fact it will never happen, so don’t go trying to score points on that front.
You know, if I’d foreseen there being a discussion about Michael Jackson being more dead than Pink Floyd in the third paragraph of this report, I’d never have gone on about that made-up pixel shortage in the first. As it turns out, this story is padding itself out just fine without resorting to any made up nonsense. Though now I’m worrying that there might really be a pixel shortage, and that’ll make this pointless fourth paragraph all the more shameful when the web goes all dark on us.
Quick, I better get on with listing the IFPI Global Recording Artists Of 2014 Top Ten before all forms of internet communications close down. I mean, I had quotes from IFPI boss Frances Moore, One Direction overseer Simon Cowell and Taylor Swift’s pizza delivery boy all ready to share with you right now, but I just don’t think there’s time. So here’s the top ten instead…
1. Taylor Swift
2. One Direction
3. Ed Sheeran
4. Coldplay
5. AC/DC
6. Michael Jackson
7. Pink Floyd
8. Sam Smith
9. Katy Perry
10. Beyoncé
So there you go. Given the internet seems to be working still, I should also issue this warning to all you UK music types: before you get too cocky, please note that if ‘Frozen’ had been a pop singer, and not a Disney film franchise with a soundtrack, it would have blown 1D, Sheeran, Coldplay, all surviving members of the Floyd and that Sam Smith bloke right out of the water in just one shot. And Swifty too. Yeah, nice try Swifty, with all your well-crafted pop music, but remember this: you’re no Disney film franchise.
