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Eddy Says
Eddy Says: Ou est le conversation?
By Eddy Temple-Morris | Published on Monday 4 October 2010
It’s Chazzstock tonight. For the benefit of the handful reading this who are unaware what this is, it’s the launch party for the best electro-pop debut album in recent memory, and the talent studded wake of its lead singer, Chazz Haddon of Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, which I’m honoured to be hosting.
When I met Joe, the band’s resident synth-head, to go through the running order for the evening and to get some little golden nuggets I can use while attempting to glue the evening together between the acts, I found out something shocking, almost more shocking and certainly more far reaching than the tragedy which befell Chazz at Pukkelpop Festival last month: Young people are killing themselves more often than you’d believe. Of all these poor souls, three times more of them are male. That is absolutely staggering. You are 300% more likely to take your own life if you are a young man, than a young woman.
We all know why. Men are, generally speaking, shit at talking about stuff. Girls are, generally speaking, very good at it. Yes, we men can talk til the cows come home on a variety of subjects, but for the most part, none of these conversations will put into words HOW WE FEEL. People are always carping on about girls being over-emotional, over-thinking, and while that may cause some issues in relationships, it is clearly a much healthier way to be.
I have a dear friend who I know to be bi-polar, as well as young and male, and very talented. I worry about him. He frequently shows signs of cracking up on social networking sites, and I know he’s ravaged by the shadowy demons that BPD brings with it; but the bottom line is he will be OK because he is one of the relatively few young men that can talk about it, externalise it, get it off his chest and step away. It’s an admirable quality and one that young guys should aim at.
I’m from a pathologically un-emotional family. I know what it’s like to bottle things up, which is terrible, and brings with it all manner of problems in relating to other people on every level, but, thanks to the genepool lottery, I don’t suffer from depression. I have the opposite to deal with – almost permanent positivity.
I am very emotional and I outpour a lot. You may have noticed! People often say to me: “Too much information”, but I say this to almost every young man on Earth: “NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION!”
We men are awful at talking about things that really matter. I know, on the surface of things, that what you men are thinking really matters is how Van Der Fuckhead is going to make a difference for Arsenal, or is Shrek going to show form at Man UTD, or how great it is that Monster Munch are now big again. But all of this is by-the-by. What’s really important is HOW YOU FEEL about these things, and whether you’re happy in your job, and your sexual relationship, and where you fit in the world, and how the way you were raised affects your relationship with everything around you.
Of course I’m generalising, I’m a fucking bloke! That’s what we do! But you know what I’m trying to get at, girls you know more than anyone, it’s about saying those things that are left unsaid. Dealing with the elephants in the room. If someone around you pisses you off, tell them! But do it in a way that’s positive, present a solution rather than a problem. Conversely if there’s someone around you, at work, or in your circle of friends, that you think is inspiring, or great in some way, fucking tell them!
If you love somebody, even a little bit, just bloody tell them! They could be dead tomorrow and they would never have known…
You could actually be saving their life, just by letting them know HOW YOU FEEL. That you love them, or that they inspire you, or that you’re thinking of them in ‘this difficult time they’re having’. Don’t just think it: SAY IT!
So, Chazzstock has sold out. The majority of people reading this will not have a ticket, and perhaps wish they did. To you I say, this picture is so much bigger. It’s not about Chazz, or Chazzstock, or Joe and Caan, or Charlie’s family, it’s about every young person, male or female, who suffers from depression, or bi-polar disorder, or any of these conditions that bring out the darkness in our heads and give it more room to breathe than it deserves.
So, do me a favour, I swear to you this is the most important thing for almost every single person reading this right now: Boys, just pick up the phone, and call a mate, and try talking to them about stuff you never normally talk about. Talk about your relationship, about their relationship, or their lack of either, talk about those things that are awkward, or uncomfortable for most guys to broach. Think like a girl!
OK, girls, I’m talking to you now! You have this amazing gift, to be able to communicate, and to think on a much deeper level, about those things we find to be mundane, because guys basically aren’t as intelligent, on an emotional and communicative level. Call up one of your guy friends and talk to them about HOW THEY FEEL. You could actually save someone’s life with a phone call, or an email, or just a few texts.
Reach out, all of you. Communicate, talk about these things, talk about anything, just talk… you have no idea how positive something as simple as talking can be.
They say you can save a life in Africa or Pakistan just by donating two quid. I say this: a phone call to a landline is pretty much free, and email is free, you eyeballing a mate and talking to them about things that really matter costs nothing. You could save a life right now. Do it when you’ve finished reading this. Everything else can wait. Do it. NOW.
X eddy
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