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Labels, ISPs and ministers meet

By CMU Editorial | Published on Thursday 24 February 2011

The government’s main culture monkeys – Jeremy ‘don’t say cunt’ Hunt and Ed ‘Tory cool dude’ Vaizey – have met with representatives of the music industry, including trade bodies UK Music, AIM and BPI and labels Universal, Warner, Sony and Beggars, and key internet firms, including BT, Talk Talk and BSkyB, for some good time talking.

The ministers want the music companies and net firms to collaborate on new digital content services.

I wasn’t there but assume it went something like this:

Music industry person: “Well thanks for totally screwing up our graduated response anti-piracy system with your tedious judicial review, you money-grabbing philistines”.

Internet industry person: “Don’t mention it you deluded luddites, how’s it hanging back there in the Stone Age, worked out how to use email yet?”

Tory: “Guys, guys, let’s be friends, can’t you music dudes work with these techie guys to create some really exciting new digital music service they can sell to their customers – you’ve got the content, they’ve got consumers, it’s a match made in heaven surely?”

Shit stirrer: “What, like Sky Songs – that worked really well didn’t it?”

BSkyB person: “Watch it, or I’ll get my mates at the News Of The World to hack your phone and publish all your secrets”.

Tory: “Is there nothing we can agree on?”

Peace maker: “That Nick Clegg’s a bit of a two-faced cunt, isn’t he?”

All: “Too right”.

So that’s fun. Apparently they’ll all meet again in three months to repeat the exercise. Here’s what the boy Vaizey told Music Week: “We have brought the industries together so they can discuss the issues facing the digital industries and I am delighted that progress is being made. Consumers demand choice. It is essential that new, legal methods to access films, music and other content online are developed, whilst enabling creators’ copyright to be properly protected”.