And Finally

Cowell on the prospect of the twins winning X-factor

By CMU Editorial | Published on Monday 2 November 2009

Now, generally we don’t report on ‘X-Factor’ nonsense until the very final stages – complaints about Dannii Minogue’s (not really) homophobia aside, obviously – because doing so would necessitate someone in this here operation watching the programme, which is beyond the call of duty even for Team CMU. Just tolerating all the ‘X-Factor’ themed Tweets on a Saturday night tests our patience.

But obviously the big ‘X-Factor’ story this year is the ongoing success of John and Edward Grimes, the useless twosome with strange hair who the great viewing public are keeping on the show mainly because doing so pisses off Simon Cowell so much.

Or possibly because they like watching Louis Walsh – the duo’s mentor on the show – having to find nice things to say about the boys after each terrible performance they provide. Or possibly because they like watching Dannii and Cheryl Cole saying “I really respect you for tolerating all the horrible things the media are saying about you” before saying horrible things about them. OK, so I watched three minutes of one edition of the show. 

Anyway, Cowell has been talking to reporters about what might happen if the voting public’s cruel joke actually results in the Grimes brothers winning the show, and getting that record contract with his label. He told reporters this week: “If they win, it will be a complete and utter disaster. I’d probably sulk for about six months [and] get on a very fast plane out of the country. I don’t dislike them as people. I just don’t think they are the act we were looking for”.

As funny as all that would be, ‘X-Factor’ experts tell me that another competitor – Danyl Johnson – is actually favourite to win.