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And Finally Beef Of The Week
CMU Beef Of The Week #68: Louis Walsh v Boyzone
By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 24 June 2011
Louis Walsh was in the news this week. Mainly, it turned out, due to accusations of indecent assault made by a 24 year old man. Accusations which, the ‘X’ judge told The Sun are “wholly false and with no foundation”. But that’s not what we’re going to talk about today. Frankly, it doesn’t really seem like suitable subject matter for the Beef Of The Week column, and I’m disappointed that you thought it was.
This week’s beef is drawn from the other piece of Louis Walsh news this week: the greatest Irish music battle since U2 met up with The Undertones round the back of Dunnes Stores and fought it out for the rights to hang out at the bus stop in front of the shop. Yep, this week Louis Walsh called Boyzone “yesterday’s men”.
Walsh, of course, managed the group in their heyday. You remember that, right? When music critics and music fans alike fell back in awe at the pop outfit’s original take on the boyband model with ground breaking classics like, erm, ‘Love Me For A Reason’ and that Yusuf Islam song they covered. Oh, how we marvelled at how their career wasn’t entirely based on the vacuum left when Take That split up. But all good things must come to an end. And all the other stuff has to finish eventually, too. In 2000 Boyzone split.
All five members went on to have very successful solo careers, of course. Ronan Keating continued to push boundaries with his crazy musical experiments, trying to find the mythical point at the middle of the road where music ceases to exist but still gets used in Richard Curtis films. Stephen Gately sang a song on the London Eye. The one with the beard worked in a pub on Coronation Street. The other two found ways to occupy themselves.
But despite all that glory, the band nevertheless decided to reform in 2007, a development so exciting, one of them died. Walsh was initially involved in the reformation, until he suddenly realised that Boyzone had become a very poor imitation of Boyzone Juniors, aka Westlife.
Given that Walsh also manages Westlife, that wasn’t so hard to spot. But it was then that Louis looked up. And saw JLS. And One Direction. And The Wanted. And realised that Boyzone had sunk to the bottom of a particularly shitty bucket. Plus, presumably, with record and ticket sales down, his 10% wasn’t worth much any more. And so Boyz One found themselves without a Louis.
Asked about why he stepped back from managing the reformed man band this week, Walsh told Heat: “They’re like Blue – yesterday’s men. There’s too much competition for them. You have to have something amazing as there’s so much talent out there – JLS, One Direction, Westlife, The Wanted”.
He added, charitably: “Boyzone can carry on, but it wasn’t working. It was great while it lasted, but it’s time for me to move on”.
Walsh now devotes his time to regularly resigning as a judge on ‘X-Factor’, finding new shit to peddle (new girl group Wonderland, anyone?) and not indecently assaulting young men in toilets. Oh damn, I said I wouldn’t mention that again, didn’t I?
