And Finally Artist News Beef Of The Week

CMU Beef Of The Week #323: Prison v Agadoo

By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 16 September 2016

For the vast majority of us, the song ‘Agadoo’ doesn’t play any great part in our daily lives. In fact, it seems likely that a portion of you reading this have never even heard of it or the band Black Lace who released it.

Such is the joy of being young(er). Never did you have to suffer a school disco at which the three Black Lace hits ‘Agadoo’, ‘Superman’ and ‘Do The Conga’ – with their prescribed-by-law dance moves – were spread out across the mobile DJ’s set as markers of the party’s progress. Older readers may have also danced to said records as adults on a holiday in Spain. But I am willing to keep your secret on this occasion.

Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that for all of us, those last two paragraphs were the most ‘Agadoo’ we’ve had in our lives for quite some time. But imagine if you were an actual member of Black Lace, still plugging away after all these years trying to make ends meet.

That’s what Dene Michael has to contend with – a life filled with ‘Agadoo’. And he wasn’t even in the band when they released that single, arriving in 1986 as the outfit’s success was waning. He still performs with Black Lace though (not to be confused with The Original Black Lace, a band that does at least feature one member who was in the band during their brief run of top ten singles), and last year he appeared singing that song in a Walkers Crisps advert.

You may also have seen him on ‘The Voice’ last year, attempting to be recognised as a solo artist. When he failed to make it through the blind auditions, he was nonetheless invited back to sing bloody ‘Agadoo’ with the judges. And earlier this year he appeared on ITV daytime legal show ‘Judge Rinder’ to tackle the serious business of being sued by his wife, only to have to answer questions about ‘Agadoo’ instead.

But despite all this, being the frontman of Black Lace in 2016 seemingly doesn’t quite pay the bills. And so in June this year, Michael appeared in an actual, less jovial court, where he was jailed for six months for benefit fraud, having received £25,000 in benefits after claiming he couldn’t walk. A condition somewhat disproven by him having recently appeared on TV several times standing, walking and dancing. I mean, who could have foreseen all that unravelling?

Presumably Michael wasn’t too keen on going to prison, but one thing that might have gone through his mind was that at least it would be a fucking break from the world of novelty party songs. No such luck. Apparently everyone in prison has a deep knowledge of Black Lace’s entire back catalogue, as Michael – now released back into the world with an electronic tag after ten weeks behind bars – told The Sun this week.

“It was very odd but when these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you do it, so we had a conga of convicts snaking around the jail”, he said. “They all seemed to find it hilarious and everyone joined in. It lifted the gloom somewhat. All the murderers and drug dealers wanted to be my mate”.

“It was all the time, everyone wanted to sing ‘Agadoo’ with me”, he continued, only slightly unconvincingly. “It was surreal singing the party song about pushing pineapples and shaking the tree in such grim circumstances, but people were obsessed. At night when we were all in our cells, the entire wing was singing in chorus ‘Agadoo doo doo'”.

Imagine ten weeks of that. Who could cope? Not even many years hard labour as a member of Black Lace could prepare you for that kind of daily torture. I mean, I know people sometimes say prisons are like holiday camps, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what they mean.

“No one was interested in my real name”, added Michael. “I was just ‘Agadoo'”.

So there you go, far from escaping ‘Agadoo’, Dene Michael became ‘Agadoo’. But now he’s out of jail and can get back to normality and a nice quiet life. Which is all that Michael wants really. Oh, that and the opportunity to appear on ‘Big Brother’. Glorious.