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And Finally Beef Of The Week Media
CMU Beef Of The Week #227: Beyonce v Journalism
By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 10 October 2014
We’ve become accustomed to news of media organisations going out of business in recent years.
Magazines find themselves unable to convince enough people to pick up a physical object on a monthly or weekly basis. Local newspapers struggle to get in enough classified advertising to pay journalists to report on the latest flag ceremony, or whatever it is they do in local places (I’m a London meeja arsehole, I have no idea). And occasionally a radio station will just drop off the air.
So it might have gone unnoticed when Houston’s News92 FM went off the air this week. In fact, I’d be willing to bet you didn’t notice it happen at all. It’s like you weren’t even listening to that particular station. Well, let me tell you, we always had it on in the CMU office and its loss was greatly felt.
But its departure has gained more attention than it might, because the channel previously occupied by the news service has been replaced with a brand new radio station. And whereas News92 FM focused on what all Houston residents were up to, the new service focuses on just one child of the city. Beyonce.
Yeah, that’s right, Beyonce is more important than news and now has her own 24/7 radio station. And in order to make this switch, News92 owner Radio One had to sack 47 members of staff. So, Beyonce is basically responsible for almost 50 news-makers being unemployed, all because of a narcissistic love of the sound of her own voice.
Fucking hell, Beyonce. I hate all these self-obsessed celebrities, hell-bent on doing anything they can to promote themselves, not caring whose lives they ruin in the process. “Oh, look at me. I’ve only got $350 million in the bank, how will I feed my baby?” You make me sick, Beyonce. Sick!
OK, perhaps I have stretched the conceit of this piece a little too far. Perhaps. Beyonce didn’t actually request that anyone lose their job (not publicly, anyway). She didn’t even ask to have her own radio station (not publicly, anyway). And the station didn’t say it was sacking anyone just so that it could play Beyonce instead of reporting the news (not publicly, anyway). Actually, the station’s staff were put out on the street because the local news service’s ratings were rubbish, so there was no money to pay them. And spinning Beyonce tunes 24/7 is much cheaper to do (and more popular, probably).
“News92, Houston’s first FM all-news radio station, aired its last broadcast Wednesday, 8 Oct 2014”, said a statement. “This difficult decision is a result of sustained poor ratings performance and significant financial losses over the past three years despite the substantial financial and human resources we invested. Unfortunately, the market hasn’t shown a sustainable appetite for news radio, but each of you motivated us daily to produce a high-quality news programme. Together, we made history”.
Yeah, but you made much bigger history just by becoming the world’s first 24 hour, ad-free Beyonce station. On the switch, Yashima Azliove, a spokesperson for the Radio One company, told reporters: “She’s Queen Bee. In looking to make a transition, we go back to what we know. We know urban radio. We’re in Houston, [so] the combination seemed like a winning one”.
I think technically she’s Queen Bey, but whatever. She can be both. And Azilove’s right, it does seem like a winning combination. (Houston/Beyonce, I mean, not Bee/Bey. The latter’s just a mess. I’ve changed my mind about her being both).
For too long Houston has been plagued by the tyranny of news – clearly something it didn’t want, given News92 couldn’t get any listeners or make any money – when really all anyone wants is a bit of Beyonce available at any time of the day or night. I suggest all stations now make the switch. This is clearly the future of media. In fact, so inspired are we by this news, we’ve just sacked the whole CMU team, and will from Monday start publishing the BMU (Beyonce Music Unlimited) Daily. A daily YouTube playlist emailed to your inbox every morning so that you never need be without her.
Of course, there’s a slight chance this is just a big fat publicity stunt by the Radio One company, likely to promote the launch of a new pop music station in the place of News92. Though it could backfire. Once the people of Houston have got used to 24/7 Beyonce, how are they going to feel about other artists encroaching on her territory? There could be riots. I’d propose a gradual approach, slowly slotting in Destiny’s Child, then Solange, then Kelly Rowland, then some light Jay-Z, and then maybe, but only maybe, listeners won’t go to war.
As for the journalists, well, they should just focus on writing some Beyonce-themed lists.
